1. |
forgotten love
04:05
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i can do better. it could be worse.
i'm so sick of smiling, it's all too rehearsed.
i still make my bed. i'm still not sure why.
the walls don't watch me fuck, they just watch me cry.
i've forgotten love, but can't forget it's name.
i've forgotten love, but can't hold it in vain.
it's just hard to do. but not as hard as losing you.
after 26 lovers in over 26 years, i can't figure it out... how they disappear.
i have no money. i have no home. i have no love. i am alone.
i'm painting a picture, of swimming with sharks.
just like bobbing for apples, but they're ripping out hearts.
i tried to write words, you said they never make sense.
maybe it's too avant-garde. i said i'm sorry to my friends.
i've forgotten love but can't forget its name.
i've forgotten love, but can't hold it in vain.
it's just hard to do. but not as hard as losing you.
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2. |
lavender ghost
04:13
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hop over the front seat and into the back of my heart.
you never liked sitting up front.
roll up the windows, no one can see in fogged up.
not even i know whats going on.
i wish i was with you now.
i'll stick around and hope that this all works out.
i was lost. you felt like home.
you were grounded. filled with hope.
it's no surprise, we both failed, when we tried to say goodbye.
i'd love if you keep me alive in the back of your mind.
it's where our love resides in mine.
i wish i was with you now.
i'll stick around and hope that this all works out.
i want to know that free will can not exist.
because if it did, you would not have left.
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3. |
home from here
04:10
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how do i get home from here?
when did i forget to steer?
was it after the bend, just before the break?
how do i get home from here?
i will dwell in this existential life threatening hell.
i didn't ask to be here. it's been 31 such short years.
though i don't want to leave, it's just so hard to please.
i didn't ask to be here.
i will dwell in this hell.
i will dwell in this existential life threatening hell.
if everything is consciousness, then consciousness is nothing.
i'm dying to feel something.
i will dwell in this existential hell.
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4. |
i miss
04:58
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i miss smoking in the springtime on the river edge.
i miss riding my bike with my headphones in.
This Will Destroy You to The Weakerthans.
the only way i've figured out how to clear my head.
now it's colder than it's ever been.
six hundred fucking dollars can not pay my rent.
i just want to see you, just want to hold your hand.
but we overcomplicate things, more than we understand.
the jersey city skyline has never looked so bright,
as it did from your roof, that one warm summer night.
i'm glad I treated each time like the last time.
i'll savor every second of you on my mind.
memories will fade with the morning light.
nothings guaranteed to last another night.
i miss playing basement shows with my best-friends.
i miss the cities that i drove through, even the boring ones.
to the divebars and the clubs that smell of stale beer...
i hope I get to use these drink tickets next year.
if I never said "I love you", just know i did
...except the girl at 3 Crow who spilt a drink on my head.
only Jesus knows what i'm talking about
and when he hears this song i hope he laughs out-loud.
i'm glad I treated each time like the last time.
i'll savor every second of you on my mind.
memories will fade with the morning light.
nothings guaranteed to last another night.
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5. |
kinder heart
03:55
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i thought that when you said you meant it, you meant it.
and when you said that you left it, you left it.
i guess that i'm what you meant, when you said you left it.
i guess that i'm what you meant.
i wish I was kinder to my mind.
too many times i've come to find myself walking backwards.
retracing steps. rebreathing breaths. did I say the wrong words?
keep me surprised. keep me in time. don't keep me guessing.
i wish I was kinder to my mind.
i need to be less hard on my heart,
because sometimes love just falls apart.
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briefly. New York
i will dwell 🌿
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